I apologize to all the people who believed something about me that was not. I am in the process of catharsis with my inner being and free myself from all the burdens that have affected me physically and emotionally for so many years. Despite everything, I feel better. Much better! And today I already feel that I am completely breaking the chains of mental control exercised by sects and various religious denominations (although they do not accept this term) in which I have passed throughout my life. The path of liberation has begun!

For me writing this can be very hard, but I have to be honest mainly with myself because the one I have deceived the most in all these years has been myself. I could never really be me and to find out that, at almost 35 years old, is pretty embarrassing.

I lived deceived and immersed in a world of fantasies and false beliefs. I have used God almost as a charm against bad luck. Today I want to be, among all things, completely honest, not only with others (which is also important), but mainly with my damaged "I".

Currently I have my doubts that there is a superior being out there, although I cannot deny it, there is a part of me that wants God to exist. However, and to this day as I write this, there is in me that conflict of interests between the battle of the mind and the battle of the heart. I believe that human beings have "by default" the natural need to believe in something. All of us in one way or another deify something or someone and adjust our way of being, to the characteristics that emerge from each religious custom or particular belief ingrained in us only by mere tradition.

I was born and grew up immersed in a community of "Christian tradition" although I only had the name of that. Let's say that this is how our society is, it says one thing, but it acts contrary to the values it proclaims. The vast majority of Christians I have met are from the famous "do what I say but not what I do" sector and that's how I felt too. Of course, I don't want to generalize and there are others (although they are the minority) who are not like that and I really admire them for it.

My life today goes by paths different from those that I used to defend with fanatical zeal and today I ask myself: was I really a Christian? Am I now? Answering these apparently simple questions would seem to be very easy, but due to the conceptions that one has installed and the natural fear of rejection from their group of people, one ends up making up stories to disguise the deception and end up being accepted by the family? By "friends"? By relatives? Looking at it this way now, it sounds totally absurd.

It took me a long time (too long) to realize that you can't please everyone and that there is nothing wrong with a little selfishness and self-love. This is also a matter of dignity and self-respect!

I let myself be marked by my own lies and others. For fables that have neither head nor tail and for stories that are not mine. I had become a miserable hypocrite who seeks to please others in exchange for my unhappiness. Many things will be difficult to recover!

I feel like someone who has just come out of the closet and I used this word, as another foundation of how bad we do and the damage we cause many times. Why do people say "come out of the closet"? Do people compare other sexual preferences with shoes or coats? Or rather it is because the rejection continues to be so great that people remain silent for years about what they really feel.

From my perspective, today I can realize that once upon a time, I was the one who was on the side of the instigator, on the side of those who, without any kind of arguments other than a belief, swore to be right. I also apologize to all those who have felt offended by the words of the former Mariano.

Now the one who decides what to think and what to stop thinking about in my life is me and I have the freedom to say so. I feel good, as good as ever before.